Emotions

I just watched a documentary on human trafficking called Nefarious: Merchant of Souls. I left the showing with many emotions; anger, confusion, shame, fear, hopelessness, conviction, etc. I'll be processing these feelings for a while and to get started I figured I'd just start writing. I have no plan or rough draft for this blog, it'll just be my train of thought as I try to grasp at some of the feelings and ideas in my mind. (I'll put my feelings in parenthesis so you can track my emotions)

I've seen plenty of films and shorts on human trafficking and I've done a fair bit of research. As I watched the film I knew most of the facts they were using. It seemed like other things I've seen before, group goes into an area, interviews trafficked people, pimps, traffickers, etc. The thing that caught my attention this time was that they kept digging. Most films I've seen show the researchers finding the trafficked victims, we hear their story of how they were abducted or forced into the sex trade. This film opened with that, but it continued on further. It talked about how a women's family can be so poor, that she would go sell herself to bring food home for her siblings and parents. Even that motive I am familiar with, but the next two levels I was unknowing of (at least in how severe they are).

The next part of the film focused on areas in Southeast Asia, namely Thailand and Cambodia. It talked about how parents will sell their daughters to make money for the family. I knew this occurrence happened when the family was starving, but it showed fathers who sold their daughters so that they could drink beer and smoke cigars all day long, or get a new cell phone or tv. It even mentioned that when a woman would give birth to a daughter they would tell her, 'congratulations. Jackpot. You have a financial safety net. If you're family is ever in financial need you can just sell you daughter.' I'm not a parent and yet I find this invigorating. Who would consider selling their daughter into a life of prostitution for personal gain? (Anger, confusion)

The film then took a domestic approach, looking at trafficking in the US. It talked about how women are lured into prostitution with the hope that they will meet a rich many who will marry them or that they will make a profit and be able to afford college. The disturbing part was that most of the women who entered prostitution did so because they felt that their body had no worth because they were abused as children, often times by family or friends. One pimp commented, 'I thank the abusive fathers, they prepared the girls for the life of sex and pain they were going to be apart of. I'm simply continued their work.' Broken homes driving young girls (average age 13) to live a life of selling their body. (Anger, disappointment, fear)

During the next part of the interviews focused on the girls' stories when reality set in. When they realized that their initial goals were not worth it. That they were never going to meet a nice husband or get the money for school. That their shame was too much. Any gain they got was not worth the cost it took to get it. (Anger, sadness). Every girl said they had a moment when this reality set in. They broke down crying by the side of their bed. They were full of shame, anger, depression. They thought that no one will ever love them. They all lost the reasons for living. Many turned to drugs for temporary happiness, others just lived in their depression, day after day with no hope for joy or a future. (Anger, depression)

One girl told a story of when she reached the point where she lost hope in life. She felt unloved and had recurring nightmares of the people who have abused her. When she reached the bottom of her depression she had another dream, one where she was in a garden and Jesus was sitting there. He didn't judge her, beat her, or abuse her. He would simply look at her and say, "I love you." There were many stories similar to this, but the thing that caught my notice was the women when they were telling their stories. When they were talking about their lives in depression, feeling unloved and shameful, they had sorrowful looks on their faces. But when Jesus enters into the picture there is a glow that comes to their persona, their face lightens, they start weeping. (A feeling I can't describe at the moment)

Then I thought back to some passages in Jeremiah I've read in the recent past. In chapter 3 the Lord repeatedly compares Israel to and adulterer and prostitute. "But you have lived as a prostitute with many lovers-would you now return to me?" (Jer 3:1) At first I glanced over this verse, but now I'm starting to see that in our sin we are just like those prostitutes. Living in depression and shame with ambitions in mind that justify our actions. Then we reach a time when we decide it's not worth it, that we have been chasing a fruitless dream. We are dead in our sin and we're too far in to know what to do. We either live in our depression or find quick fixes of happiness, but we always go back to terrible life we know we're living. And the ONLY thing that can change that is Christ Jesus. We are just like the prostitutes in our sin, shouldn't we be just like them in our rejoicing over Jesus when he brings us into new life? (Awe)

I feel like this blog is reaching its limit, though there is still many thoughts I have flying around my head. I'd love to talk with some of you about them. My final thought comes from the last Cru meeting of the past year. In Bill's final talk he said that, "God loves you just the way you are, but He loves you too much to leave you that way." God loves you as a His child when you come to Him. He loves you in your sin and sorrow, in your joy and pain. He loves the broken prostitute you are when you come back to Him. BUT He loves you too much to leave you where you're at. He wants to blossom the relationship and make you into a new creation, fearfully and wonderfully made for the Glory of God. (Joy)

Live for Him,

Travis