Proceed with Caution

Warning: this is not a light read. I almost teared up while writing it. Proceed with caution.

Watch!

First off, thanks to Nick for showing me this. You may find it helpful to read his blog first, just click on his name to go to his blog. (though this is not necessary to follow my blog)

Thoughts, first off the idea of a mask. We all have them. We put them up so people will see what they want to see, even if it is not the truth. We want peoples approval, we want to feel worthy, we want to feel loved. We keep looking for these things in places they're not, we look for satisfaction in people, in relationships, in grades, in books, in video games, the list goes on and on. But God doesn't want our mask, He doesn't want the fake us that we try so hard to build up. He wants the true us, the person He made us to be, not the one society made. He wants the real us (and any true Christian will not only accept, but should prefer the real you too!) I want the real you!

God doesn't care about where you've been or the things you've done. He doesn't care if you've cut or if you've killed. He doesn't care if you've hated or if you've lusted. His love is greater than that, His love is greater than all of your sin. He doesn't want you to live a life of pain and tears, all He wants is you.

As Nick said, we've all been bullied. In some way shape or form you have been bullied. Maybe its been some name calling on the playground, maybe it was some kid pushing you. Maybe someone calling you fat or ugly or dumb. Whatever it may be, we've been there. Bullying has always existed and it is not going away anytime soon. The way I see it there are three ways we deal with bullying. One, we let it go, we give it to God. It doesn't effect us. However, I feel there are very few, if any, people who truly follow this path. (I know that I don't) Path two, we rant. We find people or objects to shed our feelings and burdens on. We cry, we get physical, we kill things in halo, etc.

Option 3, we hide it and push it under the rug, let it bottle up inside. Until we reach the breaking point, then what? We go to the extremes of path two. Crying becomes panic attacks, physicality becomes injuries, killing things in halo becomes attempting to kill ourselves.

Confession time, the summer before coming to college my life was turbulent. I was going through the transition from high school to college. All of my friends and semi-friends fell out of my social life. I was sinning out the wazoo with little care for God. I went on a mission trip where I vowed to life to Christ...it lasted a week. Then I felt so terrible the rest of my summer was ruined. My youth group went to Worlds of Fun towards the end of the summer, I was looking to have a good time. While there I had a fairly fun time, but on the car ride home I noticed that everyone in the van had someone to be with, except me. I convinced myself that I was a burden, to my friends, to my family. I honestly thought that the world would be better without me. I just wanted someone to care (even God) and when nobody did I just wanted it to be over. The only thing I was holding onto was a song by Building 429 entitled Always. The final stanza is:

Friend I don't know where you are
And I don't know where you've been
Maybe you're fighting for your life
Or just about to throw the towel in
But if you're crying out for mercy
If there's no hope left at all
If you've given everything you've got
And you're still about to fall
Well hold on, hold on, hold on

I played this song over and over. Just trying to give myself some hope. I don't know what kept me alive through that, but regardless coming to college was the best thing to happen to my faith. God became real, I could find joy in Him, actual joy not some fake temporal happiness. I'm trying to move to the first option I talked about, putting everything to God. (End confession)

Back to the video, like Nick I read some of the comments and the one I kept seeing over and over was ,'fake.' A slight anger flared up in me. This kid is sharing his soul, and people call it fake. What jerks. Anyway, to them I say, 'even if this video is faked, this story is real. Maybe the bullied kid isn't Jonah. Maybe his name is Steve or Bill. This story is real, it is the story of millions of kids.'

Final comment, at the end of the video the mood takes a turn for the better. The last card says, 'I have a million reasons to be here.' First, I'll commend this statement. We all need something/someone worth living for. We need a reason to exist. Second, if those million reasons are in people, grades, games, etc. They will fail you! God is the only reason to be here that is not temporal, He will always love us. He will always be there for us.

"You're all I want, You're all I need. You're everything. Everything!" -Lifehouse

The Real Test

With the slew of finals almost upon us I have heard many people discuss and complain about tests, projects, papers, etc. One friend in particular was getting really riled over her projects and papers. She became very stressed and any comfort seemed to be futile. As I was thinking through this situation a thought occurred to me, 'what is the real test?'

Is the real test my math or physics test next week, or maybe it's a religion paper or project. What if the real test isn't one sponsored by the school, but rather a test from God? Could it be that He's testing us to see how our faith stands up to the stresses of school, to see if our faith is authentic?

Earlier this semester I was this very stereotype, I was always complaining about my physics and math homework and tests. I found my grades slipping and, to say the least, I became quite distressed. I then realized that I was placing academics/school as an idol in my life. However much I didn't want to admit it, I sucked it up and confessed. I was challenged to let go of school as an idol, I gave it shot and it seemed to work out.

A few weeks later I got to hear a message about school as an idol. The speaker estimated that probably 95% of students hold school as an idol (whether they realize it or not is another story). American culture seems to imply that if someone does good in school then he/she will be successful, they'll get the good job and the dream husband/wife. They will get to live the american dream, just by getting good grades.

I then remembered a passage in Matthew. I was reminded that God will provide exactly what we need when we need it. I also came to realize that sometimes we need a kick in the pants or a slap in face to get us going in the right direction. I have always had the head knowledge that God knows what is best, but I often mixed that up with my personal will. He intended to change this. I came the actualization that God's will is good, but when it's happening to you it often doesn't seem that way.

Anyways, these finals are going to come, the projects will be due and you will get a grade. So what? It's over. But God's love will never be over. Whether you get the 'A' or you barely scrape by with a 'D' all God wants is for you to be fully devoted to Him. The real test isn't what you take in school, but rather where you life is placed. In God? In School? In Friends? In Relationships?

This is both a reminder and a challenge for this upcoming finals, as well as, future 'tests.'

Thoughts, comments and suggestions are welcomed.

Live for Him,

Travis Ray