Proceed with Caution

Warning: this is not a light read. I almost teared up while writing it. Proceed with caution.

Watch!

First off, thanks to Nick for showing me this. You may find it helpful to read his blog first, just click on his name to go to his blog. (though this is not necessary to follow my blog)

Thoughts, first off the idea of a mask. We all have them. We put them up so people will see what they want to see, even if it is not the truth. We want peoples approval, we want to feel worthy, we want to feel loved. We keep looking for these things in places they're not, we look for satisfaction in people, in relationships, in grades, in books, in video games, the list goes on and on. But God doesn't want our mask, He doesn't want the fake us that we try so hard to build up. He wants the true us, the person He made us to be, not the one society made. He wants the real us (and any true Christian will not only accept, but should prefer the real you too!) I want the real you!

God doesn't care about where you've been or the things you've done. He doesn't care if you've cut or if you've killed. He doesn't care if you've hated or if you've lusted. His love is greater than that, His love is greater than all of your sin. He doesn't want you to live a life of pain and tears, all He wants is you.

As Nick said, we've all been bullied. In some way shape or form you have been bullied. Maybe its been some name calling on the playground, maybe it was some kid pushing you. Maybe someone calling you fat or ugly or dumb. Whatever it may be, we've been there. Bullying has always existed and it is not going away anytime soon. The way I see it there are three ways we deal with bullying. One, we let it go, we give it to God. It doesn't effect us. However, I feel there are very few, if any, people who truly follow this path. (I know that I don't) Path two, we rant. We find people or objects to shed our feelings and burdens on. We cry, we get physical, we kill things in halo, etc.

Option 3, we hide it and push it under the rug, let it bottle up inside. Until we reach the breaking point, then what? We go to the extremes of path two. Crying becomes panic attacks, physicality becomes injuries, killing things in halo becomes attempting to kill ourselves.

Confession time, the summer before coming to college my life was turbulent. I was going through the transition from high school to college. All of my friends and semi-friends fell out of my social life. I was sinning out the wazoo with little care for God. I went on a mission trip where I vowed to life to Christ...it lasted a week. Then I felt so terrible the rest of my summer was ruined. My youth group went to Worlds of Fun towards the end of the summer, I was looking to have a good time. While there I had a fairly fun time, but on the car ride home I noticed that everyone in the van had someone to be with, except me. I convinced myself that I was a burden, to my friends, to my family. I honestly thought that the world would be better without me. I just wanted someone to care (even God) and when nobody did I just wanted it to be over. The only thing I was holding onto was a song by Building 429 entitled Always. The final stanza is:

Friend I don't know where you are
And I don't know where you've been
Maybe you're fighting for your life
Or just about to throw the towel in
But if you're crying out for mercy
If there's no hope left at all
If you've given everything you've got
And you're still about to fall
Well hold on, hold on, hold on

I played this song over and over. Just trying to give myself some hope. I don't know what kept me alive through that, but regardless coming to college was the best thing to happen to my faith. God became real, I could find joy in Him, actual joy not some fake temporal happiness. I'm trying to move to the first option I talked about, putting everything to God. (End confession)

Back to the video, like Nick I read some of the comments and the one I kept seeing over and over was ,'fake.' A slight anger flared up in me. This kid is sharing his soul, and people call it fake. What jerks. Anyway, to them I say, 'even if this video is faked, this story is real. Maybe the bullied kid isn't Jonah. Maybe his name is Steve or Bill. This story is real, it is the story of millions of kids.'

Final comment, at the end of the video the mood takes a turn for the better. The last card says, 'I have a million reasons to be here.' First, I'll commend this statement. We all need something/someone worth living for. We need a reason to exist. Second, if those million reasons are in people, grades, games, etc. They will fail you! God is the only reason to be here that is not temporal, He will always love us. He will always be there for us.

"You're all I want, You're all I need. You're everything. Everything!" -Lifehouse

The Real Test

With the slew of finals almost upon us I have heard many people discuss and complain about tests, projects, papers, etc. One friend in particular was getting really riled over her projects and papers. She became very stressed and any comfort seemed to be futile. As I was thinking through this situation a thought occurred to me, 'what is the real test?'

Is the real test my math or physics test next week, or maybe it's a religion paper or project. What if the real test isn't one sponsored by the school, but rather a test from God? Could it be that He's testing us to see how our faith stands up to the stresses of school, to see if our faith is authentic?

Earlier this semester I was this very stereotype, I was always complaining about my physics and math homework and tests. I found my grades slipping and, to say the least, I became quite distressed. I then realized that I was placing academics/school as an idol in my life. However much I didn't want to admit it, I sucked it up and confessed. I was challenged to let go of school as an idol, I gave it shot and it seemed to work out.

A few weeks later I got to hear a message about school as an idol. The speaker estimated that probably 95% of students hold school as an idol (whether they realize it or not is another story). American culture seems to imply that if someone does good in school then he/she will be successful, they'll get the good job and the dream husband/wife. They will get to live the american dream, just by getting good grades.

I then remembered a passage in Matthew. I was reminded that God will provide exactly what we need when we need it. I also came to realize that sometimes we need a kick in the pants or a slap in face to get us going in the right direction. I have always had the head knowledge that God knows what is best, but I often mixed that up with my personal will. He intended to change this. I came the actualization that God's will is good, but when it's happening to you it often doesn't seem that way.

Anyways, these finals are going to come, the projects will be due and you will get a grade. So what? It's over. But God's love will never be over. Whether you get the 'A' or you barely scrape by with a 'D' all God wants is for you to be fully devoted to Him. The real test isn't what you take in school, but rather where you life is placed. In God? In School? In Friends? In Relationships?

This is both a reminder and a challenge for this upcoming finals, as well as, future 'tests.'

Thoughts, comments and suggestions are welcomed.

Live for Him,

Travis Ray

FB Status

I've recently read the following status (and others like it)

Dad comes home drunk and mad. He pulls a gun on his wife then turns the gun to himself, his little girl sits behind the couch crying. The police came and took the girl. She is now with a new family. Her first day of Sunday school she walks past the building and sees a picture of Jesus on the cross, the little girl asks the teacher "How did that man get off the cross?!" The teacher replied "He di............dn't!" The little girl argued "Yes he did, the night mommy and daddy died, he sat next to me behind the couch and told me everything would be alright. 66% of you won't re-post this.. but, remember. The bible says "Deny me in front of your friends, and I will deny you in front of my father." So repost this if you are part of the 33%

At the end of the status there is a charge to act. As I read it I felt as if the status is kind of saying, 'prove you're a Christian by...'

Does not reposting this mean that you are denying Christ? Does it mean you aren't really a Christian? I personally don't think so. Then what about the other side? If you do repost this does it prove your Christianity or make you a 'better' Christian? Again, I personally don't think so. I fail to see a connection between not posting a facebook status and denying Christ. (I think that a lot of people will read this status and think, 'oh, I have to prove my Christian-ness because so-and-so said I'm not a Christian if I don't repost this')

Thought, if someone were to live with this mindset how would they get through life? One could easily say, 'if you don't go to church x-many times this week you denied Christ' or 'If you didn't evangelize with everyone you saw, then you denied Christ.' If something as medial as facebook can cause you deny Christ then how much worse will the other factors of life be?

From a biblical point the alluded to passage in the status comes from Matthew 10. This is when Jesus is sending out the disciples, telling them what to do when they come to a town. The verse comes into play when people would deny the disciples, because by extension they we denying Jesus and by extension they were denying God.

I don't know if I should feel convicted by this sort of message or if I should question the people who sent it. Is this status an act of serving God? or is it a sign of a misguided faith? Am I rationalizing not posting it to make myself feel better? because I'm lazy? I don't really know the answer.

What do y'all think about this kind of post?

Step One

Hey y'all,

Something moved in me recently to start blogging. I know I kind of blog on facebook with notes, I'm planning on having this blog in tandem with the facebook notes. They will likely share some of my ideas, I may even copy one from here and put them on facebook and vice-versa. However, I will likely be more open and direct with this blog, I plan on being real. Not just putting up some cool ideas I have, but blogging about how life is going, the good and the bad.

We'll start off with a simple blog. Last night was UNL worship night. Afterwords, I had a great 2 1/2 hour conversation with my friend Kevin. We just talked about God and Christianity, it was magnificent. Towards the end of our conversation I had the thought, 'Christianity is so backwards from anything else I've encountered, anything human.'

From a human standpoint when someone pushes us, we're supposed to push them back, but God says, 'turn the other cheek.' When someone lies to us and betrays us, the human response is to get revenge, while God says that He will ultimately judge them, our only job is to love.

One of the final thoughts we had was how different Christianity is from other religions. Nearly all other religions in the world are about what we can do as human to touch the divine. Often times it presents itself as a checklist, do this and that and then you will touch the divine and go to heaven. Lots of religions take the stance that people aren't bad, we just make some mistakes on the way. In particular I am studying Islam in my religion class and they don't believe in original sin, they believe that people often 'forget' about Allah's will and they just need to be fixed.

This thought ultimately boiled down to what Christianity says. Our thought was that the first step of Christianity isn't to go to church or help an old lady cross the street. To become a Christian one doesn't have to pay a tax, say a prayer or do a ritual. The first step to becoming and authentic Christian is to say, 'I suck.' To say that we can't be good enough, no matter how hard we try. To say that we are broken beyond human repair. To give up and surrender.

This is step one, are you there?